Thursday, July 29, 2010

Grape Nuts is the King of Cereals


Really, there's no need for me to even back this statement up. The truth of it is self evident.

9 comments:

  1. Wow, I was just pining for a bowl full of these colon-busters the other day. They are truly God's nuggets of crunchy odd goodness. And, Euell Gibbons was a fucking freak, which, I dig.

    I have no argument, pointless or otherwise.

    CB

    ReplyDelete
  2. A cereal that could be used to cut diamonds or tip drill bits for hard rock tunneling cannot be the King. This stuff makes one's teeth feel as if they are being ground into a fine powder with every painful crunch. It also tastes like hard rocks.

    The King of Cereals is undoubtably the utterly delicious Fruity Pebbles. It makes no false claims about actually containing fruit, as does your poor example, it's just "fruity"! And mind-numbingly SWEET, distracting one from one's troubles. Plus it's even got cute prehistoric cartoon babies for mascots!

    You can stop kissing her ass, CB, it'll get you nowhere.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jesus H. Christ, greencorduroyfrog...you are wrong about so many things, I don't even know where to start.

    1. If your teeth can't handle CEREAL, then it's high time your tribe set you out on the ice to die. Make room for the young, old man.

    2. Fruity Pebbles!!! And you wonder why your choppers aren't man enough to stand up to Grape Nuts? That stuff will dissolve your enamel in about 30 seconds flat. Also, it is totally GAY, dude.

    3. Kissing my ass will get you all kinds of places. If Chewboy keeps it up I might even let him be one of my minions.

    As an aside, notice how the EvilSuperGenius is too scared to weigh in on this one? /shaking my head in disgust/

    ReplyDelete
  4. If we're gettin' real here, the true King of Nastiness is Applejacks. They float. They get soggy fast. They taste like fucking apples and cinny-mun. They're like Cheerio's crack addict cousin. They've got the best song.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdUr1FiM-WQ

    Wait, that might not be it. Try this.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfNgtFL8VHw&feature=related

    Yeah, bitches. Applejacks.

    CB

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow Chewboy, I had no idea you had such a lovely singing voice!

    Don't quit your day job, is my advice.

    ReplyDelete
  6. But, admit it, I look damned good in that wife beater.

    CB

    ReplyDelete
  7. Grape Nuts? Seriously? Isn't that the cereal equivalent of Rocky Mountain oysters?

    And I love the way these fucking arguments explode once I quit obsessively hitting reload and go back to doing real work. You all suck.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well, what do you expect? Real work my Aunt Fanny! Too bad you can't sit on your ass all day and surf the internet like I do...er, I mean I AM VERY BUSY RAISING MY CHILDREN. BEING A STAY-AT-HOME MOM IS HARD WORK, PEOPLE.

    Speaking of my children...they're awfully quiet. Oh dear, I sure hope they didn't get into my stash of bon bons, Scotch, and Valium again!

    /tinkling laughter/

    ReplyDelete
  9. Also: what's with the Rocky Mountain oysters crack? Is that supposed to be a jab at my Greeley, Colorado origins? Well, I fly my Small-Town-Girl Flag high, my friend: in fact, I used to own a t-shirt from a bar that specialized in that particular delicacy. That's right, I walked around with "Run For the Nuts" emblazoned on my chest for years, but I guess not everyone can be that classy.

    ReplyDelete