- New neighbors move in, you welcome them with a pan of your famous lemon bars.
- You exchange small talk over your fence for a few weeks.
- New neighbor man asks to borrow your lawn mower. Of course you say yes.
- A week later, lawn mower has not been returned.
- New neighbor man denies having borrowed lawn mower, yet blatantly uses it to mow his lawn.
- Heated words are exchanged over the fence.
- Small items begin disappearing from your porch and yard.
- New neighbor woman gives you the deep freeze when you see her in the morning.
- You realize she never returned your lemon bar pan.
- Your cat goes missing.
- Also the framed wedding photo from your mantel.
- You wake up to discover a large knife stabbed into your pillow. Through your wedding photo. And your cat.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Pointless Argument #47: Nothing Says Welcome to the Neighborhood Like a Flaming Bag of Dogshit on Your Doorstep
Sure, most people like to welcome their new neighbors with a plate of homemade baked goods. And that's fine—as long as you realize that this is how things are going to go down: